You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
