What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
