I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
