Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
