who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
