super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
