She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
