there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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