Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
