A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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