I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There r osticjed everywhere
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
