Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
