im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
