I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
