I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
