captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
