It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
