but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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