i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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