dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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