I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
