The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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