I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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