no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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