omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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