i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
