It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
