I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
