Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
