I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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