One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I stole a fireplace last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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