Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
