just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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