Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
