i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The power of my boobs compel you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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