We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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