After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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