What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize