he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
