is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
