So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize