I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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