I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
