Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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