I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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