Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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