woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
