@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
