I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
