I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
