A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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