Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
