so that wasnt chicken after all
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
