checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
