Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
