i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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