You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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