I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
