oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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