If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize