Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
