Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
