Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't put those talents on a resume
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
