She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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