my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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