well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
