Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
