...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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